(Originally by Tom Morgan of Smudge, also popularised by The Lemonheads)

I always had a roof above me, I always paid the rent,
And I never set foot inside a tent.
I couldn't build a fire to save my life.
I lied about being the outdoor type.

Well, I've never slept out underneath the stars;
The closest that I came to that was one time in my car
Broke down for an hour in the suburbs at night.
I lied about being the outdoor type.

Too scared to let you know that you knew what you were looking for,
I lied until I fit the bill; God bless the great indoors.
I lied about being the outdoor type.
I never owned a sleeping bag, let alone a mountain bike.

No, I can't go away with you on a rock-climbing weekend;
What if something's on TV that's never shown again?
It's just as well I'm not invited, as I'm afraid of heights.
I lied about being the outdoor type.

Never learned to swim, can't grow a beard, or even fight.
I lied about being the outdoor type.